She's baaaaaaaaaaaack

And so is the Bachelor.

Oh hello Ben. Oh hello Chris. So great to have the most dramatic rose ceremony ever and the most shocking cocktail party ever back in my life.

Disclaimer – I have read the spoilers for this season, I will be making no predictions as they would not be uninformed. I have integrity. I will not lie to both of my blog readers. SO – we’ll just make fun of the best love fake emotions can buy.

Can we stop referring to the Bachelor as Ben F? Last time I checked, he was the only guy on the show, let alone the only Ben. Come on… let’s let the guy have his moment in the spotlight of 25 adoring women (well, if the previews are to be believed, then 24 girls and an old lady).

I really love me a skinny tie. The awkward zipping up the pants and tightening the belt montage? Well, let’s say the feelings are far from love for that little gem.

“The worst has happened to me.” -Ben (not F)
“Yes. Well, we hope.” -Chris

Let the games begin!

A quick sampling of the best one-liners on the night:
“You live and you learn, right? Next time sash, hat and the grandma.”

“Tell us about your hat.”
“Well, I rode a horse in.”
“A girl rode in on a horse. How am I supposed to beat that?”
“Screw you and the horse you rode in on.”

“I am the most fortunate man on the planet…This is going to be ridiculous.”

“See this, this is my heart. And this is the key to my heart.” Wait, did he she say “Guide and protect my heart?” No, it said love is patient, love is kind.

“It was really hard to have a conversation with him obviously when he was blindfolded. And being fed different sorts of candy. From a…garbage sack.”

“I’m…better than them.”

“How do you maintain sanity?” I wouldn’t ever come to you, Jenna, for that answer.