Monday, July 26, 2010

Breaking Down the Bachelorette: The Men Tell All

Welcome to my point system. Please add your points in the comments... I would love to hear what you think.

Chris Harrison
+45 The tie! Dark purple with black flowers? Yes please. Me like.
+56 “You’re on a glacier in Iceland…” to preface the Kasey tattoo fiasco. So. Fantastic.
+17 If Kasey had only known, the scrapbook was the key to Ali’s heart.
+28 in response to Kasey saying he’s not a singer, “I know! That’s what I was trying to tell you!”

Ali
+33 For looking hot in her (first) interview with Chris.
+87 For the way she confronted Justin. It never gets old.
+62 For not remembering the details of her date with Kasey. Color me surprised.
-18 For apparently not firing her hair dresser and stylist.

Frank’s dad’s
+88 for this toast:
From and among the greater
To then now and until here
As it was in front of before
Such as beyond past, presently
And victorious should the little ant dianetically (idk)
rise to Frank now and forever

+43 for being the only non-series person on my list. He earned this mention!

Jesse
+14 For just looking chiseled and hot. I mean, wow. And I don’t normally like white guys.

Hunter
-2 For showing up when people didn’t remember him in the first place.

Mountain Man
+17 One point for every word he said on this show, more than he said all season – err, one episode.

Tyler
+8 For that vest – apparently I’m a sucker for vests with a shiny purple back.

Craig R.
+7 For being the best interview, besides Chris L.
+2 For coming in with a “Hard and Fast Rule” to not say anything bad about anyone in the house.
+9 For breaking his “Hard and Fast Rule.” After five seconds.
+6 “Kase, you’re crazy.”
+3 For just seeming like a friend to the guys and a friend to Ali and a voice of reason.
+15 For calling his profession as a lawyer a “s**t detector.” Any lawyers want to weigh in on the veracity of this claim? I kind of like it.

John C
-6 For Botox.

Derrick
+1 For doing something memorable to merit an invitation, I just don’t remember what it was.

Jason
-2 For coming on national television with a black eye.

Steve
+3 For being from Cleveland. They need some love right now.

Chris N.
-12 Two words: Spray. Tan.
+43 For wearing a “Phantom” shirt.
-6 For explaining said “Phantom” shirt.
-16 “Self promote himself.” It’s redundant. It’s repetitive.
-16 “Self promote himself.” (see above)

Kirk
+8 For taking care of Ali when she was sick. I still think that was cute! He deserves retroactive points.
-4 For the way his jeans fit.
-64 For the death stare. I didn’t need to see that again. Ever.
+44 “This sucks.” One of my fav phrases.

Weatherman
-189 “She was almost mystical.” The man is still single. Shocking.
-17 For wearing that jacket.
-33 For the tongue-sticking-out incident.
+2 For the fake Rated-R voicemails in the credit. Hi-Larious. (should be more, but I can’t bring myself to it)

Kasey
-100 For his voice.
-21 “You look imaginary.”
-77 (x3) It’s just my heart – jump in, stay a while.
+53 for his song! That was fantastic! The only time he should’ve sung. Ever. In his life.

Ty
+12 For basically calling Kasey a stalker and knowing all the details about the show that a dude isn’t supposed to know.
-3 For saying “Looney Tune.” Twice.

Justin
-999 For existing.

Frank
Deserves no points. Boo.
But I must wonder, why will he be there next week on “After the Final Rose” and not this week…

Roberto
+9 For not killing Ali with a champagne cork!
+37 For how bad he felt about “not” killing Ali. So glad we got to see this moment!
+123 For being Roberto. Yum.

Chris L.
+83 For being hilarious. Again. He will be a great Bachelor!
+76 For walking out of the shower.

ABC
-1467 for trying to make this a two-hour show. Stretched. Too. Thin.

Bachelor Pad
+9836 For bringing Kiptyn and Tenley together. The only two sane people in that house. So excited to watch this comedic train wreck. You know where I’ll be.

5 comments:

Abbey Zmoos said...

I must say, I am confused about who the next Bachelor will be... If Kirk didn't look so broken hearted, I'd think he had a chance. I think you may be right with the Chris call but at the same time, I think he is going to be heartbroken enough he may just have to resort to his quiet life in Cape Cod. Also, I'm thinking maybe Ty. He is hilarious, has witty comments about everything and ps, I think his accent is adorable.

Steve Hill said...

Sad to say but a non-trivial part of a lawyer's job is separating the bull from the s**t. That and occasionally creating bulls**t. Not entirely unlike the job of a PR consultant.

Steve Hill said...

Sad to say that a good part of a lawyer's job is separating the bull from the s**t. That and occasionally creating bulls**t. Re the latter, not entirely unlike the job of a PR consultant.

Alexandra said...

Stretched WAY too thin.

+15 for "Craig the Clarify-er," as I've dubbed him, just covering his behind when he said that he's not currently nor will seek to pursue a friendship with Rated R.

+30 for Chris Harrison acting so weirdly happy and laughing all the time like he was reuniting with his own college frat buddies again.

Larsens said...

But what was up with Ali's hair?? It looked like she fell asleep in a park and a pigeon tried to make a nest in it. Just horrible.

I'm excited for the finale. I.want.to.be.in.Bora.Bora. I'm hoping that ABC won't show any people, just scenery. Probably won't happen. Oh well.