i love sundays

man- today was such a great day.

it was fast sunday, so in the Mormon church that means we don't eat or drink anything for 24 hours, with a purpose and constant prayer in our hearts. i taught this principle so many times on the mission, and today i lived what i taught. i taught people that as we take away the food from our bodies, it becomes weakened, so the spirit becomes the greater power and it leads our soul rather than the body. in this rare state, we can commune more easily with the divine and are more in tune with spiritual things. today i felt just that.

in addition to fasting, in church on the first sunday of every month the members have the chance to bear their testimonies, or state their witness of truth. man- the spirit was strong today. there was the guy that looks every ounce of football player possible who showed the emotion of a child as he talked about the all-encompassing peace that he received through a priesthood blessing, given by a loving Father in Heaven through a willing and worthy servant. there was the girl who shared an experience and taught us that Jesus walks the halls of the Temples. there was the kid who is getting ready to go on a mission so has a fire and excitement about the gospel. he highlights pretty much everything in the Book of Mormon because "it's all golden." there was the girl who thanked her visiting teacher for being so aware and so loving, and didn't know that that same visiting teacher had talked to me about her life and was feeling kind of stuck. i bet she was grateful someone noticed her efforts. she is wonderful. she should be noticed more often. there was the couple who is getting ready to be married in the temple for time and all eternity and went through the temple yesterday together, the first time for both, and felt the peace that brings us all back to that sacred place. there was that other girl who decided to study more about the Atonement and was real, saying how she expected a pop-culture self help on how to access the atonement as she studied the sacred sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ. she didn't find what she thought she would. it was better. so much better. she learned that as we humble ourselves and repent we become broken and palpable in the hands of our Master, Savior and Creator Jesus Christ. that is where we find access to the healing power of the Atonement. i liked that she was honest, open, and vulnerable- but that her study changed her.

then we had sunday school. we talked about alma the younger, a great character in the Book of Mormon for sure, but so much more than that. he is real. he lived. he fought against the church. the son of the prophet was attacking the believers, and succeeding. then... would i want to see an angel? do i want a heavenly visitor? i mean, once it happens there is such a Huge responsibility. the teacher, my dear davia king said that he could have been righteous, repented and gone on his merry way with his family building the church one home-teaching visit at a time and would have been saved. i beg to differ. how many people do we know of that have seen angels? can they ever go one with a normal life? look at saul-turned-paul. he was a passionately God-fearing person with the wrong map. going down the path he thought so certain to be right, fighting the early Christians in the name of truth. enter angel. what did he do from then on? oh nothing really- just was imprisoned various times, testified from shackles, was bruised, beaten, and ultimately killed for his new path- the right right path. look at Joseph Smith. did he see an angel. oh no. he saw Several. and what's more- he saw God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. man. and what did that require of him? his life. his love. his heart. his home, and then another home, and then another, and then... his family, his freedom. but what was expected of him was expected of all around him- his open heavenly communication raised the bar for all those players in his life. his wife buried children, then buried him. his brother was so united with him and his cause of truth, the true kind, that they were united even in death. his closest friends tore his flesh as they pulled the tar and feathers bit by bit off his broken body, and then saw him stand in the front of those that inflicted such hate-bred wounds as he testified of forgiveness. does that require a lot of someone? you tell me. so alma the younger, he spent his life living up to the expectation of the heavenly messenger. he gave his life to the service of the very cause he set about destroying. and it was never easy. so when he told his son to learn wisdom in his youth, yeah to learn in his youth to keep the commandments of God, he understood the price of not obeying. and of obeying with exactness. and yearning the obedience of others so much it hurt. so do i want to see an angel? probably not. i don't know that i am ready for that responsibility. i don't know that i want to call upon those i love most to live up to it either- but what's real is i know they could. and if the Lord saw fit to call on me in that way, i hope from the insides of my heart that i would be willing to live up to his confidence. his love. his hope for me. but it would take a lot. let's be honest, it would take it all.

then- the day just gets better and better. we had Relief Society. now, the ward i attend is probably the most pigeon-holed ward that exists. "oh, you live there, i should just go then." not so much. but today we laid our insecurities on the table and i learned i'm really not that much different than anyone else (contrary to previous thought). the girl with the model body, big boobs, and a face so smooth she should be a part of a botox campaign is shy? she is scared to get to know people? serious? no, are you serious? the girl i wanted to not like so much because she seems to have everything just wanted the girls in the ward to be real and interested in one another. she wanted to bring us together. she wanted us all to just be friends. the real kind. i wanted her to fail. i want her to succeed.

do you see why i love sundays? it's the one day i have the option to put away the world and let the higher take control. it is an option. i would like to chose to more often.

this was all brought on because thursday my friend texted me: do you want to volunteer at the mtc? ummmm, do pigs fly? hello- Yes. so i went. and i felt. you see that feeling part is what i shy away from. i don't like to expose myself, so i have built up walls that seem reinforced with steel insecurities and self doubt. and when i feel, those wall have to come down. vulnerability up. ouch. but see missionaries have to feel. they have to breath, eat- if only once a day- Study the good word, and Feel. feel love. feel compassion. feel love. feel hurt. feel love. feel happy. feel love. and these 19-year-old kiddos who were born almost in the decade 1990 -yikes- reminded me how to feel. they testified of a young boy much like them, who one day went to the woods to pray. who felt confused. who felt like he lacked wisdom and would ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not. then he felt attacked. he felt like he was going to abandon himself to a real evil, a force from the unseen world. then. he felt light. he felt truth. he felt intimacy with the Almighty. he felt. they felt. i felt. i remembered what i felt for almost 19 months as i taught people about this same boy. what i felt as i testified, because i knew, and i know. what i felt when i saw people change their lives. what i felt as people came to know an inner and eternal worth they never imagined. what i felt when i loved people i didn't know, because i was representing the Savior, i was authorized to feel as He feels. sometimes it hurts. he feels pain. so does Abba, Father. i felt that to have a fullness of joy does not imply an absence of pain. its a deeper pain than i knew existed. the kind that breaks your heart into a million pieces and you don't know if it will ever be whole again. but the point is i felt. i felt. i want to feel. and this scares me. but that's a step in the right direction right? i feel scared. so when these three kids taught with the spirit, and bore witness of truth something within me awakened. something i let die in the short three months i've been back. as it died, my inner peace died as well. it's back. it's all back. and i want it to stay.

so, this is me. i am a spiritual sucker. i love it. i yearn for it. i need it. i feel it. and as long as i am feeling the spirit i am feeling, and that is a good feeling. so i may listen to a lil more MoTab now. i may bust out my Livro de Mormon on campus and proudly read and highlight- even cry if necessary (Alma 14 always gets me). i may try to bring up Joseph or Jesus in normal conversations, find a way to reference a recent, or not-so-recent, conference talk as we are talking about who knows what. because if i don't that thing will die. that can't happen. it hurts not feeling. so this is me. i won't hide me anymore. i won't try to be what i think other people want me to be. or what i wish i was. i will do me. the Lord's me- which is way better than i thought i ever was or could be. the me i discovered in a beach side community in brasil, that followed me to the big city, sent me to the interior, and led me back to itself, that beach in Caraguatatuba. because that me feels. feels happy. feels complete. feels loved. feels love. feels peace. feels responsibility. feels joy. feels sorrow. i think that is the point. that me feels.

how was your sunday?

the sister reunited

few people are so lucky as i am... to have sisters by blood and sisters by choice! well, i have a sister that is about nothing like me, and still we haven't fought since the sixth grade. at least not that i can remember. when i moved from oregon to utah before my junior year of high school, she bought us a notebook that we sent back and forth writing about our lives and families. then when i moved back to oregon for my senior year i lived with her amazing family. i love this girl with all my heart, and am SO SO SO glad she is a flight attendant so she has lay-overs in salt lake city! yay for spending the evening with my madisn lyn cheek in her red lion hotel room! here are some pics that captured the night.

what can i say, she was reallllllly reallllllly glad to see me- we hadn't seen each other in over four years, but time never makes a difference in sisterly bonds. when i walked in her room she jumped up and down and hugged me and wouldn't let me go. i love it like i love her!

at the end of the night, she said she wasn't kicking me out, just putting my shoes right by my purse and leaving! i didn't want to say goodbye, but it was amazing to spend a night catching up with my sister and feeling like it hdan't been more than 4 days! love you madison lyn!

my first wedding!

okay, so it wasn't MY wedding per say, but it was the first wedding i attended in the temple- so it was definitely memorable! Pri and Su had invited me down to St. George about 3 times and i always said no, until they said it was for Juliana Cavalcante's wedding- a girl from a city i served in on my mission- then i e-mailed my professor, got a presentation changed since i was gonna miss class, and headed out for this beauuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful destination!!! the wedding was amazing! the ceremony so simple, the promises so celestial! i thought to myself: man, i want one of these one day! any takers?!?!? hahahahaha

we got to sao jorge a lil early, so we had time to kill and buns burning from sitting in the car, so we decided to walk around the outlet stores, and look at the trouble that got us into! su and pri really showed off their maturity when they grabbed these swords and starting fighting!

all that sword fighting got us hungry so we stopped off at mongolian grill for some lunch! this place is sooooooooo so so so good. you get to fill up a bowl with whatever ingredients you want- veggies, meat, noodles, and then season it with your own sauce creation and then watch it grilled in front of your eyes. yummers! we were all pleased! in this picture is Suellen, another girl from Sao Paulo who is studying out here at BYU.

so it was the hottest recorded day in Utah this year, so needless to say we were melting. i just feel bad for the bride and groom- look at them in the background with all those clothes on! yiiiiiiiiiiikes.

at the reception i ran into my friend and CTM (MTC in sampa) companion Sister Sara Faust. We live 40 minutes from each other, and saw one another for the first time in almost three months in st. george of all places! but she looks GREAT and it was SO SO SO good to see her! gotta love the wedding/mission reunions!

at the end of the trip we spent the night in Mesquite at Su's mission president's home- such a loving family! they welcomed us into their home with open arms, the wife, Sister Mack, lent us marvelous one-piece swimsuits to wear in the pool (i've never felt sexier!) and fed us til it hurt! we woke up early saturday morning to drive back and get to life's responsibilities, and i remembered why i love the winter when i walked outside at 4:30 in the morning and it was HOT! what? are you kidding? that made the drive home without AC even that much more enjoyable. YIKES! let's just say a shower was the first item of business upon arriving home!

Happy Fourth Already!

So i think its time i gave the fourth of july some blog-time! i have been super blog-lame lately, and now i will make it up to you, i promise! so on the fourth i met up with my girls and we watched the fireworks looking up from our backs. It was quite the show i must admit. One of my friends said something on her blog that resonated with me and I haven't stopped thinking about it- she said she feels patriotism somewhat like she feels the spirit. I thought it was an appropriate analogy. I feel patriotism where gratitude and pride collide, where hope and optimism and a sense of belonging reside. It's where the true you feels what it should. I will always be grateful to call this country home, a place where the history is traced with the hand of the Lord in its creation and preservation. It breeds a sense of duty, of honor, and mostly of humble thankfulness. It touches me to say, in light of all the great men and women who made this possible, that i am AMERICAN!

the show

after the show

Broseph

This is a shout out to a great friend who can always make me laugh! This beautiful young fellow is my brother Taylor, and though we look nothing alike, we have walked similar paths our whole lives... that is until the Lord decided to trust Tay with a burden I would be too weak to bear. I love him and respect him more than ever, and know that the miracle is coming! Don't we look great in our new gap shirts that cost less then $15? okay- well he was the big spender ringing in at $13 and i bargained for this $2 number. both well worn if i do say so myself!

So for one of my classes this semester, Comms 412- Public Policy- we are doing a mock negotiation about banning plastic bags. Now, those of you who know my green roots seeped in a northwestern upbringing know that i jumped at the chance to ban the (plastic) bag for the CLEARLY more environmental paper option.... and then i started studying! I always thought there was a correct answer to the question "paper or plastic" and now i'm not so sure. isn't there a better alternative?

YES! goooooooooooooooooooo reusable. here are 25 reasons to use reusable grocery bags!

25 reasons to go reusable

· 1 A plastic shopping bag can take anywhere from 15 to 1000 years to decompose. In a compressed landfill, deprived of atmosphere to help them biodegrade, paper bags don't fare much better.

· 2 Plastic bags don't biodegrade, but are at risk for photo degradation, light exposure dissolving them into toxic polymer particles. Most often, when this happens, it happens in the ocean.

· 3 The cost to recycle plastic bags so outweighs their value that most recycling facilities will not take them, leading more and more to just be thrown out with the rest of the trash.

· 4 According to the Wall Street Journal, only 1% of plastic bags are recycled world-wide; the rest are left to live on indefinitely in landfills.

· 5 The United States alone uses approximately 100 billion new plastic bags per year - the average person goes through between 350 and 500.

· 6 Thanks to their light weight, plastic bags are the debris most likely to fly away from landfills, settling instead in trees, storm drains, beaches, and the ocean.

· 7 Public agencies in California alone spend over $300 million on coastal litter clean-up per year.

· 8 Plastic bags make up over 10% of washed-up debris polluting the US coastline.

· 9 According to the British Antarctic Survey, discarded plastic bags have been found as far north as the Arctic Circle and as far south as The Falkland Islands.

· 10 An estimated one million birds and 100,000 turtles and other sea animals die of starvation each year after ingesting discarded plastic bags which block their digestive tracks.

· 11 Made from petroleum products and natural gas, plastic bags utilize nonrenewable resources, ultimately helping to drive up fuel prices.

· 12 It takes 12 million barrels of oil to produce the amount of plastic bags the US uses per year.

· 13 Think paper bags are better? The United States cuts down 14 million trees per year simply to supply the demand for paper shopping bags.

· 14 It requires 13% more energy to produce one single paper bag than to produce two plastic bags.

· 15 Made with chemicals processed at high temperatures, paper bag production releases many toxins into the atmosphere at much the same rate as plastic production.

· 16 Paper bags weigh nearly ten times their counterparts in plastic, requiring more fuel to ship them out to stores.

· 17 Despite their high recyclability factor, research shows that only 20% of paper bags end up recycled while the rest share a fate with their plastic brethrens.

· 18 In landfills, paper bags produce over twice as much atmospheric waste as plastic, making them questionable at best as the superior choice for the environment.

· 19 Ireland, the first European country to impose a tax on them, has decreased plastic shopping bag consumption by 90% since 2002, reducing overall plastic bag usage by 1.08 billion.

· 20 In the past five years, over a dozen countries have banned or put a tax on disposable bags.

· 21 Reusable bags come in all sorts of smart and stylish shapes and prints, making your shopping trips a little less routine and a little more fun.

· 22 Some grocery stores even offer discounts for customers who bring their own bags - now that's incentive!

· 23 In New York City, one less grocery bag per person would reduce waste by 5 million pounds and save $250,000 in disposal costs.

· 24 The average reusable bag has the lifespan of over seven hundred disposable plastic bags.

· 25 Over a lifetime, use of reusable bags by just one person would save over 22,000 plastic bags. Isn't that even better incentive?

Last week, on June 26th 2008 I loved the opportunity I had to go to the wedding reception of my mission president's daughter Leda. I did my best to turn the wedding into a mission reunion, and these four elders were all I could talk into going, but it was worth every minute. Sister Wilkins got permission to fly in for the wedding and when she saw us in line she began jumping up and down with eyes full of tears saying, "my missionaries are here, my missionaries are here!" It was a great reunion! The only time Leda went teaching in the three months she spent visiting the mission was with my companion, sister, best friend, soul mate Sister Freitas and me. She taught without fear and bore testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ in what seemed fluent Portuguese for those precious moments. I loved her enthusiasm. I was a sheer pleasure and joy to walk alongside her in the streets of Caraguatatuba Brasil.
I am also proud to have played a part a very important first for Leda.... no not the first day as a married woman, but rather the first time she indulged in the sheer bliss that is acai! When we met back up with President and Sister Wilkins after teaching, she sweetly asked for her reward of acai, and Sister Wilkins responded with an easy yes! And as President says, "hmmmmm, acai tem gosto de chocolate!"
Because of said teaching experience, Leda calls me and Sister Freitas her trainers. On my last night on the mission me and Sister Faust were getting ready for bed in President's apt. and Sister Wilkins was talking to Leda on the phone doing some wedding planning. When I heard that phone on the other end of the phone I asked Sister Wilkins to tell Leda I said hi, to which Leda responded to Dave (the lucky groom pictured here) "my trainer is there, Dave, my trainer is there!" Let me tell you what, it isn't hard to train a Wilkins! Love you both!